As December 2024 came to an end, the phrase "omukulu tasobya" surfaced and became the point of discussion among many Ugandans. This popular Baganda saying, which looslely translates to "adults don't make mistakes," took center stage after Abba Marcus, son of Uganda's music legend Dr. Jose Chameleone, corrected the masses blaming him for talking back at his uncle and musician, Weasel.
Popular musician Irene Namubiru reignited the conversation during a cover session, revealing why she hasn't spoken to her mother in nearly 11 years, a revelation that got many Ugandans sharing their own family struggles on social media. - Family Row: Iryn Namubiru, Mother not spoken for 11 years My Family Wanted me Dead - Irene Namubiru
On TikTok for instance, @Flowergal_ug commented: "I thought I was the only one with a toxic family... people can hurt, banange. I lost a child and they said I should have died too."
Others clung to the cultural belief in "omukulu tasobya", questioning whether adults can truly be faultless. @Kakembo_Shareefk commented: "Ng'okyawa otya maama wo eyakuleta munsi? Kyogamba ffe abakwagala okusinga ye?" (How can you hate the mother who brought you into this world? Are you saying we love you more than she does?)
But is "omukulu tasobya" really true and faultless? We often forget that parents and elders are just normal people like the rest of us who didn't come into this world with a manual. They make mistakes, just like anyone else.
What Does "Omukulu Tasobya" Really Mean?
Growing up, we've all known age-mates who struggled with simple life choices—whether it was carrying their books to class, picking the right friends, or keeping their spaces tidy. So what happens when these same people become parents? Do they suddenly gain wisdom just because they’ve had children? Or do some of their flaws worsen with time?
Do the "mean girls" of our youth grow up to become kind-hearted women, or do their old habits persist? Perhaps "omuzadde tasobya" (a parent doesn’t err) holds true because we choose to forgive them. We forgive because they are irreplaceable in our lives. But the popular English saying reminds us: "Fools also grow up." and indeed, they do.
The Role of Generational Trauma in Parenting Mistakes
One major reason why parents make mistakes is unresolved past trauma. We've all witnessed our parents falter—whether through harsh words, poor decisions, or emotional distance. As children, we wondered why they couldn’t just be perfect. But as we grow older, we begin to see things differently. Our parents were doing the best they could with the resources they had, trying to navigate life just like we are, in the end, they are just human too.
But what happens when a parent's imperfections leave lasting scars? Well, when their mistakes shape our worldview, influence our relationships, and affect our self-esteem? The pain can be deep, and the healing process long. Yet, it’s often this very pain that sparks growth, fosters forgiveness, and leads to understanding.
Forgiving Parents: A Path to Healing or More Hurt?
As we journey through life, we begin to realize that our parents’ flaws aren’t unique to them. We all make mistakes. We all stumble, and we all struggle to find our way. It’s in these moments of vulnerability—when we confront our own imperfections—that true healing begins.
So, what does "omukulu tasobya" mean in today’s world? It means we will see our elders mess up. But instead of blindly accepting their mistakes, we can choose to engage in conversations, seek resolutions, and set healthy boundaries. If issues can be resolved, the phrase retains its meaning. But if reconciliation isn’t possible, "omukulu tasobya" loses its weight, because quite frankly, we all mess up at one point or the other. Accepting the flaws, learning from them and working to better them is the true meaning of wisdom.
As we strive to become better parents, elders, and role models, we must accept that we will make mistakes too. We will stumble, struggle, and face challenges that test our patience, love, and resolve, but in these moments of imperfection, we have a choice: to be vulnerable, to be honest, and to be human.
And that’s exactly what our children need from us—not perfection, but presence; not flawlessness, but forgiveness; and not a perfect childhood, but a loving and supportive environment that listens without judgment, and teaches without ridicule.
So, the next time we hear "omukulu tasobya", maybe it’s not about pretending adults don’t make mistakes but rather understanding that even when they do, there’s room for growth, dialogue, and healing because in truth, they have reasons to believe what they do to be right, they have experiences that we may not be able to comprehend, but then again, we also have perspectives that they may not comprehend. Perhaps, harmony lies in improvise and understanding.
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